Testimonies of Angelia Crawford
I am setting here on my bunk in the Independence County Jail. It is 12:00 AM November 3, 1998. My name is Angela Crawford. I am 21 years old. I would like to take some time to tell you a story, if you wouldn't mind listening.
Let me take you back about 6 years or so earlier, around my 15th birthday. I was a wonderful child, full of love, courage and strength. My future was very promising. I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and all youth meetings. I was very happy and couldn't have asked for more. Just entering my 10th grade year. I had the usual battles that every teen faces, with school home and friends. Struggling to be someone, only I didn't know how. By the end of my 10th grade year I had experimented with sex, drugs and alcohol. I missed almost the whole last semester of school and ran away from home. I made very many people unhappy with me, not to mention that I had become very successful at lying and stealing.
My 10th grade year ended with me sitting in a juvenile lock-up, and me mad at the world and anyone that tried to control me. I helped people run away from there, and eventually I did too. They caught me and shortly thereafter I was released from there on a technicality. By the end of summer, I was drinking and involved with the wrong crowd. During my 11th grade year I found out that I was pregnant. That settled me down as I awaited the arrival of my child. On June 1, 1994, I brought into this world the most beautiful baby boy that you could ever lay your eyes on. Again the future looked bright. On June 20, 1994, I married my son's father. The marriage to me, was an escape from my parents, and anyone else that tried to tell me what to do. I thought life was great. I could have fun with no one to stop me. How wrong I was. I started smoking marijuana on a regular base. However, I took very good care of my son. He was my top priority. I loved him with all my heart. Him, my husband, drugs and me were a happy family for about the first year.
My husband and I started growing apart after that. During the second year we split up several times. Mom and dad were my strength and stood behind me one hundred percent. But who cares about mom and dad as long as they gave me what I wanted and stayed out of my business. I went to jail twice that year for third degree battery. Now I had a chemical dependency to marijuana. During this time, I lost every friend that I had that wasn't a dope addict, but again I didn't care. I only wanted out of them what they were willing to give. And when the well ran dry they became of no use to me. Also during that second and third year I lost two children to miscarriages due to stress in my marriage and drug use. My husband was having many affairs, and throughout the whole marriage had been physically abusive. My drug problem got worse as time went on. It became a great need. Like food, clothing and shelter, I had to have it. My husband and I were split up, struggling to feed, clothe and shelter my son and myself with no help. Also, I had a drug problem to feed.
My whole world came tumbling in. I signed over the custody of my son to my mother, October 1996. I couldn't take care of myself, much less my child. I had intentions to start over, but when I gave up my child, which at the time, I knew was best, I was too selfish to see how much it hurt my son. The remembrance of that day, when my mom took the only thing that I had ever loved more than myself, still brings me to my knees. I love my son with all my heart and soul. Only now, can I see all this clearly, that a part of me died. I no longer cared about anything. Nothing mattered from then on. I covered my pain outside and I drowned my pain and loss on the inside with crack cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, Meth. and powder cocaine. I had many affairs with men. Some I didn't even know. I robbed and blackmailed people. I used people and sold drugs just to get by. I had no concept or desire to get a real job. I had what I needed to get by. It was enough for a while. I saw my son often and it hurt me more and more each time, to hear him beg and cry for me not to go.
I got deeper into drugs and crime. In six years I turned from a happy loving child into a person that I can't even say that I know today. On September 21, 1998, I came to this jail on Credit Card fraud. When Chaplain Faught walked through the door on September 22nd I got saved. I read my bible every night, and I pray to God. You see God is all I have now. I lost my parents, my son and my friends. They just gave up on me. But God didn't give up. I have been clean for 45 days, and by the grace of God, I can look at myself in the mirror everyday. It is by His grace that I'm in jail today. You say in jail? Well, yes and no. If it wasn't for Him bringing me to jail, where do you think I would be right now? I was tired and now I can rest. Like in Amazing Grace, I was blind, but now I see. This was my wakeup call. In the last six years I seen more than most people will ever see in their lives. By bringing me here, Got has brought me to myself and to Him. I am getting to know me, and now I am getting to know God. When I came to jail I had nothing. I didn't even have myself. Now I have Jesus. He has given me strength and ability to care, and courage to face another day. People ask me what I'm going to do when I get out. Am going to go back to drugs and everything else. My answer is no! With God on my side, what more do I need. You see, I would be a fool to give up such a good thing. An offer of eternal life, eternal love and a constant companion and friend. And it's all free. All He asks is for you to believe. God gave me back life where there was none, when no one else cared and turned away, He was still standing at the door knocking, wanting me to open the door and I'm so glad that I did. It's not easy, and it's going to get even harder when I get out. But He said that He would never leave me or forsake me. He is the only thing I have right now, and He is my everything.
Please send an e mail to the inmate's using the e mail address below.
Chaplain Ron Faught